You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
