she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
