I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
