no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
