Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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