woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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