Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
