I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
