I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
