When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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