All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
love makes seman taste better
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
