Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
