You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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