Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
