You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
