i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its not stalking. its research.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
