i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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