If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
