I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
