what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
