Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
