Pregnant stripper...not hot.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
