I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
