Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
