And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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