Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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