can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
