I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
