Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
