is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
