At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
