it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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