If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
