nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
