You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
