Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
