If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
