She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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