She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
