Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize