i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
