singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
