Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
