So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
