Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
3pm strippers are depressing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
