everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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