she smelled like a LAN party
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
