got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
