I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
