The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
