It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
