I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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