He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
