I take back everything I said about communal showers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
