you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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