I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
