The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize