Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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