Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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