checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
