Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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