I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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