What did we do last night that was yellow?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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