Your tits are I can't wait for
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
