Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize