So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
