you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
