Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
