As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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