the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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